Here's what I think...
+The art style wasn't half bad, nothing I can really complain about.
+The idea was a solid one, creepy premise and everything.
- The narration was rather weak, in both tone and delivery. The narrator was reading with a rhyming scheme when no rhyming words were present. This seems to be more along the lines of free-verse and not rhyme poetry (if its even poetry.)
- You need a better voice actor/ your voice actor needs more practice
"I don't understand how you can attempt involuntary manslaughter."
"I don't understand how you can fail at indecent exposure."
This was a great teaser. If you're entire web-series is anything like this you'll have me as a fan for sure. There's not much constructive criticism I can offer you because I enjoyed this submission thoroughly, but for the sake of trying to find something wrong with this so that you might improve upon your work...
Damn I got nothing at the moment...
This made my day.
It's sad but very true that people like this exist.
I don't know why but...
This is one of the best games that I have ever played. The music you have playing sets up the perfect atmosphere, like the main character is just going through another dreary day of maintenance work. The mystery behind it all, the art style and the extreme difficulty, yet rewarding feeling of all the puzzles. I love this game, even though I'm not very good at it (got to the second grid/shape puzzle in the first world)
Just the same, it's a great game, and everything seems to flow nicely together. A good mesh of feelings and all that. Well done!
I enjoyed this, although I think you could have changed up the main melody at least once - although you did switch up its overall sound via envelopes. I enjoyed the high frequency white noise around the end as well, sounds like a good transition into another song or something. Seeing as this is a new version, I'll also have to check out the original song. Keep it up.
hey thank you man! I'm glad you enjoyed it! I know this version is a little repetitive but I'm thinking about throwing some vocals in there too!
Change the piano
Your choice of pad was a solid one - I can't say the same for the piano though, try adding a bit more attack to it - or change the sample entirely, as it stands right now you have a very airy/soft pad with a very punctual/sharp piano - try changing the sample, hell even a synth might get the job done.
No offense or anything, this track just isn't doing it for me. Don't get me wrong though, you clearly know what you're doing. The basis of your drum beats are solid, but the song seems almost too subtle in some cases - if that's your intention then ignore my stupid ass and go right ahead - but it seems like the song lacks the substance I'm accustomed to hearing... and yet it seems like there is something there - perhaps try altering the bass a little....
Just the same this song does resemble its name in a good way...
Yes, I hear ya! I know somethings missing, just cant find it quite yet. Still working on the track.
Those blue lanterns were a good choice for a few reasons:
1. They appear more organic/alive than their surroundings
2. They are light blue beacons in the dull and depressing slums
3. If this were to be turned into a videogame, those lanterns are already a visual cue for players to pick up on. [Eg: follow waypoints/markers etc.]
The young couple still retain some color, but not enough to make them stand out too much - they seem very much apart of the slums, as if they're tainted/influenced by them.
All in all great job. Oh one thing, did you purposely place a lantern as a focal point above the characters to reveal them to the observer faster? It seems as if they're looking at the second lantern farther off.
Lantern, kids, farther lantern. Seems like a design pattern to me. Oh well I don't know just speculating. :D
Keep the good work coming!
Thank you very much. This is actually not even the final pass of this piece. In the finished version the center column is broken in half and there is a slight highlight on the kids to make them. Overall yes everything in this scene was done purposefully to keep the eye wrapped around the piece. I'm not typically an environment artist so this was a challenge for me.
Some of the people reviewing this are being pretty stupid. Yeah, SouljaBoy's music is outright shit - that doesn't mean JohnnyUtah's caricature deserves a 5 or a 6.
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