Here's what I think...
+The art style wasn't half bad, nothing I can really complain about.
+The idea was a solid one, creepy premise and everything.
- The narration was rather weak, in both tone and delivery. The narrator was reading with a rhyming scheme when no rhyming words were present. This seems to be more along the lines of free-verse and not rhyme poetry (if its even poetry.)
- You need a better voice actor/ your voice actor needs more practice